Steven Wright

Showing quotations 1 to 17 of 17 total Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. Steven WrightI bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven WrightI have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. Steven WrightI used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Steven WrightI was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Steven WrightIf you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? Steven WrightIt doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven WrightIt's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. Steven WrightLast night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven WrightLast night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?' Steven WrightLast year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. Steven WrightMy theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. Steven WrightThere's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven WrightWhat's another word for Thesaurus? Steven WrightWhen I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' Steven Wright You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright

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