Rita Rudner

Showing quotations 1 to 13 of 13 total Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. Rita Rudner I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. Rita RudnerI love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. Rita RudnerI was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. Rita RudnerI wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Rita Rudner In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. Rita Rudner My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. Rita RudnerMy mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. Rita RudnerNeurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. Rita Rudner Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. Rita Rudner When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' Rita Rudner

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