Groucho Marx

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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. Groucho Marx Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. Groucho MarxFrom the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Groucho Marx Go, and never darken my towels again. Groucho MarxI could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home. Groucho MarxI find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Groucho MarxI sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. Groucho MarxI've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Groucho MarxIt isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. Groucho MarxMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Groucho MarxMilitary justice is to justice what military music is to music. Groucho Marx Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. Groucho Marx My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. Groucho Marx Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Groucho MarxThose are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho MarxTime flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Groucho MarxWomen should be obscene and not heard. Groucho MarxI don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. Groucho Marx, In the film A Day at the Races

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