Woody Allen

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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody AllenHis lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. Woody AllenHow can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? Woody AllenI am at two with nature. Woody AllenI can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Woody AllenI was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody AllenI'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody AllenIf it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody AllenIt is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody AllenIt seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody AllenLife is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Woody AllenMy education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Woody AllenMy one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody AllenNot only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. Woody AllenOn the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. Woody Allen Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. Woody Allen Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody AllenThe government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. Woody Allen

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Fred Allen

Showing quotations 1 to 13 of 13 total A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. Fred AllenCalifornia is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange. Fred AllenCommittee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Fred AllenHollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. Fred Allen I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. Fred AllenImitation is the sincerest form of television. Fred Allen What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? Fred AllenYou can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. Fred Allen [Television is] the triumph of machine over people. Fred Allen I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. Fred Allen, in a letter to Groucho Marx, 1953Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done. Fred Allen, on the radio program The Big Show, Dec. 17, 1950

- 19 Quotations in other collections
- Search for Fred Allen at Amazon.com

Showing quotations 1 to 13 of 13 total Browse our complete list of 3150 authors by last name:

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Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen

I am two with nature.
Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
Woody Allen

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen

View the original article here

Woody Allen

Read books online
at our other site:
The Literature Page      - We have 3 book reviews related to Woody Allen.
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody AllenHis lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. Woody AllenHow can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? Woody AllenI am at two with nature. Woody AllenI can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Woody AllenI was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody AllenI'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody AllenIf it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody AllenIt is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody AllenIt seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody AllenLife is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Woody AllenMy education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Woody AllenMy one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody AllenNot only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. Woody AllenOn the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. Woody Allen Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. Woody Allen Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody AllenThe government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. Woody Allen

Browse our complete list of 3150 authors by last name:

View the original article here

Fred Allen

Showing quotations 1 to 13 of 13 total A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. Fred AllenCalifornia is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange. Fred AllenCommittee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Fred AllenHollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. Fred Allen I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. Fred AllenImitation is the sincerest form of television. Fred Allen What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? Fred AllenYou can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. Fred Allen [Television is] the triumph of machine over people. Fred Allen I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. Fred Allen, in a letter to Groucho Marx, 1953Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done. Fred Allen, on the radio program The Big Show, Dec. 17, 1950

- 19 Quotations in other collections
- Search for Fred Allen at Amazon.com

Showing quotations 1 to 13 of 13 total Browse our complete list of 3150 authors by last name:

View the original article here

Fred Allen

1 - 2 - 3

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Fred Allen

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Fred Allen

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Fred Allen

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred Allen

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen

California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
Fred Allen

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Fred Allen

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Fred Allen

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
Fred Allen

1 - 2 - 3

Biography
Type: Comedian
Nationality: American
Born: May 31, 1894
Died: March 17, 1956

Links
Find on Amazon: Fred Allen
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View the original article here

Woody Allen

Read books online
at our other site:
The Literature Page      - We have 3 book reviews related to Woody Allen.
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody AllenHis lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. Woody AllenHow can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? Woody AllenI am at two with nature. Woody AllenI can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Woody AllenI was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody AllenI'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody AllenIf it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody AllenIt is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody AllenIt seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody AllenLife is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Woody AllenMy education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Woody AllenMy one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody AllenNot only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. Woody AllenOn the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. Woody Allen Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. Woody Allen Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody AllenThe government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. Woody Allen

Browse our complete list of 3150 authors by last name:

View the original article here

Roger Allen

Showing quotations 1 to 1 of 1 total In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. Roger Allen

- Search for Roger Allen at Amazon.com

Showing quotations 1 to 1 of 1 total Browse our complete list of 3141 authors by last name:

View the original article here

Woody Allen

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen

I am two with nature.
Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
Woody Allen

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

View the original article here